Testimony

   How could I have given my life to God, if I never knew whose life it was?

My name is Megan Rogers, and this is my story

I was raised in the Lutheran church and I can’t remember a time when I doubted God’s existence.  I always knew about Jesus, the fact that He was God in the flesh and that He died for our sins so that we could go to heaven. 

When I was a freshman in high school I began to attend a different church with a friend.  I really liked it because everyone was so loving and joyful.  I learned more about the bible and felt I was growing closer to God.  That summer I turned 15 and went to a “teen camp” with the church.  That week, I felt that God was convicting me and one night at the end of the worship rally I went forward in tears because I wanted to “invite God into my life.” 

When a counselor asked if I wanted prayer I nodded but couldn’t explain what it was that I actually wanted.  I don’t remember what the counselor prayed but I recall silently confessing that I was a sinner, asking for forgiveness.  After this experience I didn’t immediately tell anyone I had been saved.  A year later I was baptized and I continued to grow in knowledge.  I learned to call my experience salvation, however I would only say I was born again if I knew I was speaking to someone else who also professed to be a Christian.  When talking to others I would say that I had a “personal relationship” or I was “close with God.”

Throughout the 14 years that I thought I was saved I was troubled with depression, fear and anger.  I would try to give it to God but it wouldn’t go away.  After I married and had children, I had always felt like I just wasn’t good enough.  I couldn’t be the wife, mother or Christian that I knew God wanted me to be.  I desired to change and thought that if I read the right books, listened to the right music, or attended the right church – that would help my problems.

On Dec 6th 2006 my good friend Kara was saved after years of professing to be a believer.  When she told me, I became confused and irritated.  Over a year and a half later, doubts over my salvation troubled my spirit.  I read a letter in the no greater joy magazine that was written from a woman who had a problem with anger, who realized that she wasn’t saved.  I began to really question my salvation at that point.  I called Kara and she had said it was biblical to question your salvation, especially when you have doubts.  A person may find assurance in their faith or true salvation if they really are not saved.  2 Corinthians 5 says, “Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?”

Kara sent a sermon on CD on Repentance and Faith and a copy of a bible study she said we could do together over the phone.  I began making a list of sins I was feeling guilty of which included: anger, disrespect, lying, etc.  I wanted someone to assure me that I was saved.  I talked to a couple of friends who told me to not question it or that if I wasn’t sure that it was ok to just make sure and let God know I wanted to be saved. 

That night my husband and I prayed together and I wept and asked God to forgive the sins on my list.  I also asked God to show me if I was lost and to take my life to be His.  But I still felt awful and had no assurance.  The next day I felt a little better and convinced myself that everything was fine and I just needed to be patient.  I kept trying to be who God wanted me to be in my own power.  I was afraid to talk to Kara and told myself that she was judging me because my salvation experience was not just like hers.

When I had received the cd sermon and bible study I ignored Kara and the items for 3 or 4 weeks.  I was so scared of finding out I was headed for hell.  On Thursday, Sept 25th I decided to listen to the Repentance and Faith cd and got about ½ way through the sermon before it stopped working.  A lot of what the preacher said made sense and now I was even more confused.  I decided to call Kara and she asked if I’d like to do the first bible study.  I agreed and the whole time I felt convicted that I was probably lost but I kept thinking, how could I possibly be lost? I had already asked God to forgive me of my sins.  I tried to talk salvation into my life by saying I have done this and that, that God had given me peace already and strength through the death of our first child.  How could I NOT be saved??

Kara encouraged me to be honest with myself regarding the initial salvation experience and to ask God to help me see myself as He sees me.  Friday, Sept 26th my mind was a jumble.  I went to my room and asked God to help me.  I couldn’t focus on the bible and I started to think of the experience I had in high school.  I realized I hadn’t understood what salvation was at that point.  Matthew 13:23 says, “But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.” That means to receive salvation; one must understand the gospel and the seriousness of your and my sin that put Christ on the cross.  A person that is truly saved will at the least, show fruit throughout life. 

I had realized that I needed Christ’s forgiveness or I would end up in hell.  Revelations 21:8 describes those who will be in hell: But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.  Everything that I had been doing for the last 14 years was but works.  Isaiah 64:6 says, “But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.”

Now that I knew I was lost, I was nervous about getting it wrong again.  I told the Lord that I wanted it to be real this time, just Him and I.  At the same time, I wanted somebody to walk me through it, but I couldn’t get a hold of anybody.  I waited for what seemed hours but was probably about 20 minutes.  I knew what I needed to do and believed Jesus was the only one who could save me.  I told Him that I was a filthy sinner and I wanted Him to save me from hell.  I knew he had died on Calvary as a substitute for me.  I wanted the Holy Spirit to live in my heart and change me. 

I know now that I don’t have to be imprisoned by fear and anger and that in Him, I am a new creation.  2 Peter 1:10 states, “Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall.”

Comments

  • Betsy  On March 18, 2010 at 12:59 am

    Wow, thank you for sharing of your true conversion! I was a fake for 20 years. I am so thankful God by His Spirit keeps calling to us when we are lost! I am free at last!

  • walkinintheway  On March 18, 2010 at 3:15 am

    Thanks for your encouragement sister!

  • Merit K  On March 30, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    Yes it is so good to know that we have peace with God because of Jesus not because of us. He is a Faithful Friend! Thanks for sharing, Megan!

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